Here at Ochre House we are holding space for mothers, with a new series of groups ‘Meeting Motherhood’, ‘Meeting New Motherhood’ and ‘Motherhood With A Difference’ – therapist-facilitated peer-support group for mothers navigating many different aspects of Motherhood.
Ochre House ‘Mamas’ practitioner Jessica Austin reflects on the experience of ‘Becoming A Mother’: 
‘Being a mother was something I wanted from quite a young age, but I didn’t expect to full pregnant when I did, at the age of just 22. My beautiful little bundle arrived 3 days after my 23rd birthday with quite a struggle, ending in an emergency c-section. As many new mothers, I felt as though I had been hit by a bus emotionally and physically, but none the less my journey into becoming a mother had begun, whether I felt ready or not. I had this ambivalent feeling of suddenly realising that I wasn’t going to get a day off, that this was it, come rain or shine I was being a mother, and that for quite a long time, sat quite heavy with me.
Day off or not, my journey into this world was happening, and as my baby grew up so did I. We grew together and I learnt what was to be responsible for something other than yourself, and not only that, but to love someone so deeply that at points it could feel so overwhelming. Thankfully for me, being her mother was the easy part. She was an extension of me, but what wasn’t so easy was being so young. I was young in years but also looked even younger, so I found turning up to mother and baby groups hard. I struggled to make connections with people who were doing what I was doing, but 10 plus years ahead of me in many cases. So, for the first few years of her life I felt quite alone.
Fast forward 3 and quarter years and I become a mother again, and this time round it was quite different. I felt much more confident in who I was and what I was doing. I didn’t look to everyone else around me to check I was feeding or changing him correctly. I had more confidence which made my journey with him a bit more relaxing, and his first year was one of my favourites. He, like many toddlers, put me through the ringer and I would say for 2/3 years were among our hardest. It was at that point I think I lost myself the most, I was exhausted physically and emotionally and at points rather broken, I had to keep the faith that it would get easier.
Thankfully it did. We are now at 12 and almost 9, and I have to say the last few years have been my happiest. They still have their days of course, and we are in the world of senior school and touching at the door of teenage angst, a slight re learning of parenthood one in some ways we are ready for. But what I have learnt in my 12 years as a parent, is being a parent is quite literally every emotion you can think off all at once. In the space of 5 minutes you can feel complete joy and love, and total loss and frustration the next. It’s a roller-coaster one you’re not always sure you asked to be on, but none the less one I never want to get off.
For all the ups and downs, all the arguments and tears, there’s ten times the happy joyful moments that I wouldn’t want to miss for the world. I have had to work hard the last few years at finding myself again, and finding the balance between being mum and being Jess. Its not always easy and sometimes Jess is a bit lost in the wildness, but I know she’s in there. My children will always come first, above all else, but on this journey of becoming mother I have learnt that the balance is important. I’m not sure I always have the answer as to how to achieve it but it is something I know makes me a better mother.
The first 12 have been rather a crazy journey that’s for sure, but one I wouldn’t have missed for the world.’
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Our Mamas Groups – ‘Meeting Motherhood’ + ‘Meeting New Motherhood’ + ‘Motherhood With A Difference’ run monthly and are groups for mothers of children of any age, new mothers and women meeting motherhood with the perspective of raising a child or children with a difference or SEND.
Find out more and book your place – here.
About Jessica Austin:
Jessica is an OH Psy Trainee Counsellor and ‘Meeting Motherhood’ Co-Facilitator at Ochre House.
